Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
