I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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