You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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