I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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