Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
