the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
