Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
