I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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