i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have demons in me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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