I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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