sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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