It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
