Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
