It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
