There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
