Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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