Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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