Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
