and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
