Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The ass gains better be worth it
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