she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think people are normalizing furries
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
