im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
