How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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