apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
