No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
