He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
