He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
