that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
