Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
