I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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