We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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