I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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