I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
