Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
