Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
