just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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