Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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