please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
