god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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