next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize