dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
