Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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