If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They have beer where we have blood.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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