worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
