I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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