I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
