Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
