I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
