i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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