Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
