wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
