is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
