last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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