no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
