Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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