highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
