Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
