Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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