Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
