I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
