My nipple is on Facebook.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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