new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
