hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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