I'm lost and stupid without you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
