sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize