Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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