i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
