I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
