Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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