So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
