Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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