Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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