He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
