He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
