Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
