I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
