Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
