im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
