dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
