You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
