bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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