I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
