Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize