So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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