Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
