Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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