Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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