I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize