also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
