You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
