Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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