my phone needs a breathalizer
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
