So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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