really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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