im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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