super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
