Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
