i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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