Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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