Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
