i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
