So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
